Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
韩寒始终在描绘一种孤独，远离都市喧嚣 透露着年轻人的那种思想
其实是有潜质变成一部不错的电影的，如果不刻意搞那么多事故，不在旅馆装纯，不一次次含早，反复听到这个词真的太尴尬了，有些桥段真是太做作了。。。好电影真的并不需要那么折腾，想法太多有时候真的让人讨厌。#看过最清晰的枪版😂😂😂效果非常之棒#
★★★★
韩寒的导演编剧水平已经很成熟了，不要和郭敬明之流相提并论，大低分的都是什么心理
前面还算欢乐，但悲剧来得猝不及防。打着喜剧的幌子却拍得这么压抑，难怪被人唾弃。其实影片并没那么差劲，韩寒想用这样一种悲喜交替的方式表达些什么，比如浪漫敌不过现实？只是这么痛这么凌厉的方式，实在不适合贺岁档这样一个合家欢的档期，换个档期，或许会不那么让人难以接受？
每天都在各处感受到过多的厌女气息 让我开始怀疑自己
亲，你到底想讲什么？带出几个悲剧，但又没有表达~所以呢？
春节档第一部，没有评论的那么难看也没有多好看。小镇海风摩托沿海公路，飙车的场面还有飞跃珠江看的人还是很热血澎湃的。是很韩寒的感觉。就是故事弱了，非要写死女主，以及很多莫名其妙的明星配角没有什么意义。刘昊然的少年感，懵懵懂懂的憨憨样，质朴的让人心疼。女主看出了吴月的感觉。两人没啥cp感。
你可以做一个很好的梦，直到梦醒了。起初以为是个喜剧片，越看越觉得味道不对，就像中年人对这个世界的认识逐渐被现实一层层揭开一样。四十岁人的童话，它不是单纯一种味道的。
它不完美，比如男女主角到广州后莫名分开又重聚，行为逻辑跳转太大，但却不是烂片。他对小镇青年与城市的碰撞恰如现实映照，悲怆伤感，有着破碎之美。
韩寒四十的人了，还在讲述疼痛青春，剧情尴尬混乱、人物莫名其妙，故事更是低质到萌芽杂志都不会收
没有那么糟，但也确实称不上多好。中间部分情节有些拖沓，虽然仍融合了赛车元素+大场面，但其实相当地作者化。内核相当消极，你人生最受瞩目的高光时刻，是做别人的替身，那一晚心爱的女孩在去送你礼物的路上被撞死了。这部片被放进贺岁档，我感到很迷惑。
这是一个只有观众受伤的世界。
韩寒还是那个韩寒，个人风格很强烈，缺点也有很多，比如买项链这一让人费解的操作，比如刘浩存这个角色单薄的像个傻子，感觉纯粹是为了推动剧情的存在，还有各种元素堆砌
开头和结尾都还不错，中间就有点没意思了，沈腾承包了整部电影的笑点，出场也就1/3左右，吴仁腾走了，欢歌死了，电影就开始卖惨了……对于春节看悲剧也并不反感，但节奏偏慢了
这次韩寒的冷幽默似乎不再好用，看起来像是拼凑的剧情显得故事很单薄，摩托车还在，小人物打工奋斗还在，内容没了。
意图囊括的元素太多，情节有些割裂。太多戏剧化的堆砌反而使整体故事有些失真，缺乏说服力。
「少年就是少年，他们看春风不喜、看夏蝉不烦、看秋风不悲、看冬雪不叹，看满身富贵懒察觉、看不公不允敢面对，只因他们是少年。」延续了韩寒一如既往的电影风格，自导自演，小镇少年、车、姑娘和远方的故事，他把他所有喜欢的东西都放在电影里了，每一部都是。很多人说这部春节档电影票房惨败，至少亏了一半，主要原因都是女主角刘浩存路人缘不好、拉垮了票房，我倒觉得不尽然。虽然不至于差到爱优腾没有一家门户网站愿意上线片源，但花了2.6亿就拍出了这样一部电影 真的也是挺可惜的。直到电影开始，我才发现故事主人公吴仁耀长大的地方居然是汕头南澳岛！这次倒是有头有尾地讲了个为爱还高利贷的故事，可并没有值得我记住或喜欢的地方，我甚至想不到有什么讨厌的地方，因为它实在太平平无奇。为了我老去的、心爱的、不再才华横溢的男孩韩寒，加一星。
还是那股熟悉的韩寒味儿，中规中矩的韩寒式电影，韩寒书迷看看还行。教主不油腻了，海王翻车了，冯sir终于客串出精髓了，沈腾差点味道了。昊然弟弟还是抗不起男主大旗，如果再请彭于晏和邓超组父子CP的话没准能行，女主就算了，面瘫一个，内心戏从观众角度看来深不见底，甚至我一度怀疑她背着男主劈腿了，结果这个结局也太生草了，还不如劈腿~
飞越珠江车手 尹建豪 如果我是韩寒就把这几个字打在演员表最上面
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